Crippling Doubt

We have been told that critical thinking is good...It is a higher order of brain power.  Journalists, critics, politicians, conversationalists all employ an analytical view of institutions and events. 

The other day, while walking my dog, I heard sirens from the nearby fire station.  Then I saw the truck racing by, lights flashing.  I used to have a particular thought when I saw a firetruck, or ambulance, or police car.  I used to be concerned for the person or persons in need of emergency help.  I used to deliver a prayer that it was not one in my circle of family or friends, because I didn't want them to be suffering. 

That is not my thought this particular day.  Instead, I wondered if these first responders were actually going to do anything, besides spend taxpayer money, while they made a show of being there whereas it was really the also-responding ambulance or police who would be most necessary. I wondered if three sirenned vehicles would be  necessary for this particular call.  And couldn't some discernment take place at some level in the interest of efficiency.

Then I realized that I had lost faith in a basic community service.  One that I used to teach about to Grade One students with a certain amount of reverence and respect.  What happened?

I have begun to doubt our political institutions and parties, other community services, the motives of the very rich, the deception of the poor, and the strident demands of various ethnic groups.  I even doubt aspects of my church.  Doubt can produce anxiety, a sort of feeling of always trying to stand in a balanced way on sand that is continually shifting. 

I run the risk of becoming crippled by my doubt when I lose balance on that shifting sand.  Critical thinking has not been influenced by positive and loving action.  Critical thinking has not led to individual responsibility and overall accountability.  It just natters away, weakening our faith, and bruising our souls. 

But there is nothing really wrong with thinking about things in an analytic or critical fashion.  What's wrong is that we took a loving, selfless, inviting God out of the equation.  We put ourselves in as the master thinkers.

Maybe it's time to change that, says this ordinary girl.