What do I need?

I am resigning from a particular Board of Directors on October 1st and I have given my notice.  I am resigning for a number of reasons, but these last few months help me to see the Board in a different way.

I am the secretary and I have another key role that involves hiring staff.  It has been a real learning curve, and I feel that I have done a good job.  However, the chair of the Board often ignores my ideas, or speaks crossly to me when I have a question or idea.  She doesn't do this with everyone.  On the agenda, it has always been quite obvious that she puts me last in the scheme of things, going so far as to try to put me off when I was requesting input for the Annual Meeting.  If I said 'black', she would say 'white'.  She enforces 'rules' with me that she does not expect from anyone else.  For example, if I paid for advertising with my credit card and then asked to be reimbursed, I was chastised for doing something unprofessional.  (I was never given any other option for paying though!)  If I remind her that I should have signing authority at the bank as per the by-laws, she questions the by-laws and asks me to send her my copy because I must somehow have an old copy. 

So, one good thing about my resignation will be that someone who can get along with her may step up and things will run more smoothly. 

I can't help but wonder why this working relationship has dissolved.  Would I have needed more charisma?  A more confident, forceful personality? 

This has happened to me before in other cases, and I really wonder what it is about me that ticks people off sometimes.  I find this whole thing unfortunate because I have an impulse towards working for the best possible outcomes.  Yet, the impulse does not yield to influence. 

This ordinary girl feels a little like a failure, and I am wondering what I need to do or be in order to do good works in my sphere of influence.