It's been over a week of not going anywhere except, very occasionally, the grocery store, and three walks a day with my dog. My husband still goes out daily to pick up coffee, and sometimes just to drive around. He goes to the grocery store almost every day too.
My worship leader job is non-existent as the churches are closed. And my one-day-a-week at the shoe store as turned into no-days-a-week. I still take an on-line Lenten study, and participate in Grants committee meetings and Camp McDougall Board member communication.
But my life has significantly slowed down. I have time to think (and worry). I pray but haven't done my usual Bible study lately. On Sunday I read Rev. Kim's sermon, and it was a little upsetting....He picked out the plagues and deserved destruction of the Hebrew people in the Old Testament. One edge of his sermon's sword was...we deserve this if we don't repent for ourselves and our world. The other less sharp edge was to pray to a compassionate God. Those two didn't seem to go together for me. So, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
We don't understand in order to have faith; but have faith in order to understand.
One thing I have really come to understand is how non essential I am: I am not needed as a preacher, a worker, a babysitting Grandma. So, in this stripped down version of me, I am grateful that I am a beloved child of God's grace. The making of me by my own constructs has fallen apart. The me that is loved and blessed by God remains. It doesn't mean that I will survive this pandemic. It means that I will be at peace, whatever happens.
Just an ordinary girl living in extraordinary time.
